invest

a strange way to begin
to detect the lightest beginnings and begin
to invest in them,
to change with the seasons.

And allow myself to be indefinite
but inventive
as seasons become the reason to be blessed,
envisioned

Fateful

There was something new I felt today.
It's going to go a new way
All the nudes of my darkness will be appraised
for their aptitude to be a prude
Just like how I was convinced to be
So many years ago, so many tears ago,
On this fateful day

Unprotected flight

Speakers blasting with some rambunctious steroids
music like the colored hairs of these neon freaks
they like to drink tea and appear a mystery

are fighting norms that establish a cultural achievement
in society.

In search of sanity, I dole out miserable messages
of dissatisfied monogamy, to an inner world
That creates cacophony in the place of
Rapid, exact, intuitive misogynistic matrimony

He is like a false expectation that expected
nothing, ever, from me.
He never knew what to say, what to ask,
but he always had all the excuses
to prevent his world from collapsing
Into freedom

I want the Real Deal

I feel at home in the longing of my heart
No longer a challenge to surrender
It's all been stripped away, so take it Lord
So break in Lord
Like You have always done so well

I'll find myself back in Your arms again,
Like it has always been, will be

pride

it felt like the worst disease i've ever heard of

flesh-eating and degenerate

i felt like i couldn't be myself, and if i was

i was put down

like he was the most vile of the exploiters of men

because he used the name of God

to get his way in, use and abuse

to exalt his own glory while exploiting others

for theirs, like a hidden tyrant that guards well his evil

to gain rapport from the laymen who are unsuspecting

of his beguiling behavior

i've experienced either the most elusively beautiful reality

or the most detestable form of sin known to man

It's over now

I gave it to you in pieces
Strongly holding onto me
It's a strange experience like
the moments you struggled for

It's like just another memory
To release

I'm wasting away before your very eyes, don't you see?
Don't you care?
Am I a disease? Or am I alive just to be here.

Mommy

I spent all the years of my life
       Laughing your joys in its highest heights and lows
       Dancing all your dreams in a neat little row
               I caused a row
Every time you stopped feeling
       I cut open my heart to bleed for you
       I scoured the illicit planet for you
Living out all the dangers of heaven and hell
       The strangers you never got to know too well
       The freedoms you so intensely feared
               The strangest fantasies
               Appearing so real
I danced away the lies you believed, so fiercely
        That you left me
To fear

Come back to me
        I cry
You left me again

For a dream that will not disappear, though you try
       To forget the little girl you lost inside
       A sweet, faint, strange little memory
She comes in a flowery dress, like mine
And dances to the music of chrysanthemum fields
       She dances until the end of time
       Will she be found? In the home of her mother's love.
                Alone like your mother's home

Jaded, but I have to Laugh

he met me halfway with stutters and a nervous glance

i’m tempted to stutter in mimicry

i’ve been burned before

i’ve never shared this with anyone, he says

taking a chance, he claims he’s taking a chance. 

If you knew who I am

Speech is overrated

all I do is talk and listen

and verbally respond and proverbially refrain

Be responded to but not remember what

In tongue, in cheek, in words, in what

But nothing ever gets done

In the frame of my season

If I could just be silent and be still

instead.

Perhaps I could move through a sculpture

or sing through a dance

listen with a gentle nudge

speak with a glance
I'd paint between the lines
Articulate the silence of the stars
Compose the hues of ocean depths
With a simple rhythmic move

And stain my freedom with blood and sweat

like my forefathers and mothers did

to provide a house for my lineage

A triage of heritage merits and debt

It's nothing I could repair with my own fret

Or the words that I so mindlessly spit

My movements have grown dull
I'm disenchanted by my own

Impoverished soul

Has my music lost its voice?

Has my motion lost its force?

But I will redeem the time that's lost

I will remain obscure to regain the works of my hands

That speak of a greater Word

Than what I have ever uttered forth.

Slurring

To exploit the basic needs
of human connection
this world does
Wreck emotion to
fit its evil deeds
Fucked

that



I'm







stuck
in.
for a short while I won't forget the pain
Full stareless memories that
I didn't know You yet
during then are
sorry
hurting

searching
to finding You is all possible
glee find laughter
learning

who would steal my
heart
for a simple stare from me

this worthy man who
Fulfilled this basic need


of Love

while
the whole world is saying

Don't




hurt me

they wander the land with an alarm

The sounds of death are valiant in the land
alight with delirious distance.
a fountain of youth is beyond the reach
of the lies of resistance, stand. just stand
I freaked out when I realize who you are

when no one is watching

watching. Stand with me now
You watchmen on the wall, sound the

ALARM!!!! Alarm our
people of the rebellious lands who they are
what they believe
that crushes the freedom of lesser beings
under their denial of who they are meant to be.

Do you KNOW who you're meant to be?
(it sometimes registers, slowly)
You're free. You're free. You're meant to be free.

Nine Band Names To Forget

I Am Spiraling Out
Of Love

With You

Like The Last Of
The Seedy Wishes

Blown Off

A Dandelion
You Plucked And I Feel
So Free Now

spilled

i spilled into my left brain      it splashed

            colorfully

and the pigments spread 

  out into   the    meadows          of                          my                                       mind

a dare

pioneers of mountains strap their swaddled minds
into a spacious grainy stare
and move past the beasts of the air

in full swing

I'm adjusting to the light again
emerged from a dusty lair in those ugly chains
that protrude from the mouth of the pit
like some kind of grotesque offering

"speak forth unto the land"
They steadily declare, in sweet surrender
you will have strength to dare

in trust and tender,
you will be strong to dare

oh but how sweet is it, this song that they sing

Fear

The fine line between Faith and Insanity

Fear and Irrationality

In taking that step towards the calling which is 

One's true identity

In which Circumstances

My defensive stances

Unlucky chances,

They all scream captivity at me

To get Me to Fear

Their own God forsaken Fear of Me.

The fall

Love, indeed, all, is to all

Sounding sweet, but in reality

Another twisted call

To want a man more beautiful than a lie

That I would live and die for

That I would try and fight for

Is death not an unreality

When the lie has been exposed

It's just all because of the fall

33:33

30 “But as for you, son of man, your fellow citizens who talk about you by the walls and in the doorways of the houses, speak to one another, each to his brother, saying, ‘Come now and hear what the message is which comes forth from the Lord.’ 

31 They come to you as people come, and sit before you as My people and hear your words, but they do not do them, for they do the lustful desires expressed by their mouth, and their heart goes after their gain.  

32 Behold, you are to them like a sensual song by one who has a beautiful voice and plays well on an instrument; for they hear your words but they do not practice them.  

33 So when it comes to pass—as surely it will—then they will know that a prophet has been in their midst.”

Ezekiel 33:30-33

liar

The way to a traumatized girl's heart
Is not through her prefrontal cortex.
Just like the way into marriage
Is not through the act of sex

That having said, the mind is complex,
The heart is much simpler.
If your heart was remotely mine,
You'd not even a whimper.

I pray not to end the friendship will end

Never again will the fair weather friend return to the fair with another fairer sex friend whether time will tell or the tie will be severed, you're better off instead as a friendship to mend, than rather defend, the fair weather trend, that the friendship would end that I pray will not end.