Mom

I rested this morning before your love became true
A touch on my forehead was the beginning
of Understanding
Everything I had lost since my childhood
You were timid and beautiful,
Yet your softness was foreign.

I felt like you were saying,
"You don't have to beg for my love any longer"
And it took many tears for me to receive it,
Because I didn't realize

That I am still your daughter

Co-dance-pendant

Believe you me,
I know me you
And meanwhile, you mean well
But well is not meant
To replace what is meant to be
Between me and you.

I can't sleep because everyone and everything wants me to be a part of it.
Aching for oneness, the whole entire world.
While it cries "Ursprache" in the belly of the beast.

What needs are so great they would forget how to be met?
What does it see in me that would fulfill its destiny?

A conduit for its passions,
A host for its lust
The Worldly opinion always weighs so heavily upon us
"You must! You must!"

Do I aim for greater things or stand very still
In the sovereignty of time, like the timeless sage
Without a burden of ego or will

Or does My Responsibility carry this burden
To bring forth the new season
with its own manual brute forceful reason?

Perhaps one day the everythings and everyones that ever need me
will trust me to become the me that it never knew would be what it needs.

Regeneration (Adult to Infant)

losing effort to keep distance selfish ideologies died in heart transition flight posing to wrench a precious gem from a desert landscape deep deep
died again and again through each
layer flesh and bones and organs shutting down
cycle growth is sunset sunrise vital rhythm
growth, up up
spinning and shedding infiltrating stratosphere
resonating interdimensional space
between neuropathways and heart beats dance thunder
Stars between feet kind of motion in the ocean
Traversing between mind and matter and all that chatter
babbling Laugh ha ha grow ha
Explode you twinkling eye and wrinkle in time, loved that book
sense is none you happy child awakened wide

sometimes the worst pain is right at that threshold of knowing what is the truth and the best and is love and realizing everything you've ever done to substitute it

and the best feeling is the release
of everything you've used to substitute it
to let in the real thing

Father hope

when I sit here and think about
whether you will ever know
how I felt about you, I would feel a death
Those tired fears exhale gently,
And I'm released.
Strength is the surrender of my soul
to the Lord
to my Lord

the screaming tears are never wet
but they are sweeter than blood
when your wound in me is reopened

I would sacrifice my heart
like you wanted, needed
to make you feel like a man
(you wonder why I would let others)
when your wife could not fulfill that
you could take from three more
three more mothers you would have ravished
to make you whole

Thank God
I am the only one I let you ruin
I say to myself

But it's not enough for my heart to heal
to escape the way I feel
to forget
the heart I had for you before
the yearning and trusting and beautifying
effect your love would have had on me

Would have on me

Has

A tiny, timid, new ( )
But I'm afraid to say it

There is no absolute Truth

Because Truth is a Person you have absolute faith in

Life is

A process of translating reality into truth.
Death is the consequence of preferring to settle for a more convenient reality.

Practical advice

Love and nourish the weakest parts of yourself - they are what connects you to the source of Life and communicates the deepest need of humanity. They are the most fought over and highly prized among the heavenly hosts.

Hey me, find yourself!

Tired of cheating to live, lying to be free
Sticking to my guts is about the only
practical advice I can abuse
Genuine love is about the only thing I can refuse

Who am I really, you dear self?

Inside out, you've bled throughout
But your heart is still hiding out
In a cage for someone to unlock,
Or at least be discovered, simply to be

What I think about at least once a day

Where does this sadness come from and how can I make it beautiful?