I wandered towards liturgy, among the wolves and wolverines

Masters at psychology, psychosis

In my attempt to figure out what’s wrong with me.

I was found dead among the wolves again

Their teeth and claws were undetectable, I sank in.

Frankly, I would rather die to this theology

Than ever delight in a religious fraternity ever again.

Forgive them, for they do not know what they do.

now with all my lives integrate

but a genius i attract
now, you say? when these breaths
are particular in whom they mend
in whom they offend
articulate, matters, they defend again and again

I bend the truth to your benefit
but you are unaware
and you spent it all on the next
dividend of selfish recruits

it's now no longer a devilish brute
that fractures the dam of internal
resistance, but an enchanting flute

filled with expectation, like a debonair Deleuze
without a title, insiduous.
In style, and pursuit

the beauty unfolded within me and i broke,
silently, into tears and awareness
a shattered mind
massaging a tired body
until the love subsided, when there was fear
it hurt her and she winced in pain
but the love subsided when there was fear

"don't let the fear win"
she pleaded, though in pain
encouraging me to trust in my own beauty again

narcissists

the Ego defends the Self

against the Other,

because the Other is the Mirror

that the Self denies is true

the Ego abuses Logic

to meet Its Own Needs

for the Ego that is bruised

will surely be the end of "Me"

although the death of "Me"

may be for the life of "You"

Victory A.

I'm living on Victory Road again
the girl I fell in love with
names her pets after the earth and the Sky

she wanders a homeless world
as a home for the weary and lost
But they all have Names
and they are all Stars

but nameless, the stars she wishes on
the ones she names from her wondering
heart, they speak of Life
and Hope and Truth and Love

the Way we were all meant to be.

learning from a mistake

If he makes you lose, he is the loser
if he doesn't leave you in better condition than he left you
good riddance
life gets a little harder, but YOU get stronger
beauty fades, and with it fades the denial that you are
beautiful

life is full of second chances
the ones who judges another exposes his own weaknesses
for mercy is the protector

perhaps you fell in love, for a moment
but it is actually yourself, you are falling in love with
and yourself, you are committing to

long time, interpretive dance
you bludgeoned your way through my menial existence
and mental discriminations and indifferences
I'm believing in you again

when you beat Harvard
possessing that one prodigy of a girl
whom I admire and abhor (but actually adore)

I'm around you again, though
Business beat the shit out of me
and worldly advances appear to be friendly

they are just as twisted as the shattered
Souls they inhabit
and the Soulless Prowess they exhibit
Insisting on becoming increasingly Narcissistic

Interpretive dance, do that thing you do to me again
just like the many forms of creativity
that you indulge with me...

during the monthly winters

sick

I don't want anyone right now. do you even read this?
probably not - you're just half a step too far away from doing what
you talk
it's enabling for me to repeat myself over and over again
just to make you realize that you're not moving
anywhere except with your ducking fick

shutting the gates of hell now, thank you
please leave me alone.

invest

a strange way to begin
to detect the lightest beginnings and begin
to invest in them,
to change with the seasons.

And allow myself to be indefinite
but inventive
as seasons become the reason to be blessed,
envisioned

Fateful

There was something new I felt today.
It's going to go a new way
All the nudes of my darkness will be appraised
for their aptitude to be a prude
Just like how I was convinced to be
So many years ago, so many tears ago,
On this fateful day

Unprotected flight

Speakers blasting with some rambunctious steroids
music like the colored hairs of these neon freaks
they like to drink tea and appear a mystery

are fighting norms that establish a cultural achievement
in society.

In search of sanity, I dole out miserable messages
of dissatisfied monogamy, to an inner world
That creates cacophony in the place of
Rapid, exact, intuitive misogynistic matrimony

He is like a false expectation that expected
nothing, ever, from me.
He never knew what to say, what to ask,
but he always had all the excuses
to prevent his world from collapsing
Into freedom

I want the Real Deal

I feel at home in the longing of my heart
No longer a challenge to surrender
It's all been stripped away, so take it Lord
So break in Lord
Like You have always done so well

I'll find myself back in Your arms again,
Like it has always been, will be

pride

it felt like the worst disease i've ever heard of

flesh-eating and degenerate

i felt like i couldn't be myself, and if i was

i was put down

like he was the most vile of the exploiters of men

because he used the name of God

to get his way in, use and abuse

to exalt his own glory while exploiting others

for theirs, like a hidden tyrant that guards well his evil

to gain rapport from the laymen who are unsuspecting

of his beguiling behavior

i've experienced either the most elusively beautiful reality

or the most detestable form of sin known to man

It's over now

I gave it to you in pieces
Strongly holding onto me
It's a strange experience like
the moments you struggled for

It's like just another memory
To release

I'm wasting away before your very eyes, don't you see?
Don't you care?
Am I a disease? Or am I alive just to be here.

Mommy

I spent all the years of my life
       Laughing your joys in its highest heights and lows
       Dancing all your dreams in a neat little row
               I caused a row
Every time you stopped feeling
       I cut open my heart to bleed for you
       I scoured the illicit planet for you
Living out all the dangers of heaven and hell
       The strangers you never got to know too well
       The freedoms you so intensely feared
               The strangest fantasies
               Appearing so real
I danced away the lies you believed, so fiercely
        That you left me
To fear

Come back to me
        I cry
You left me again

For a dream that will not disappear, though you try
       To forget the little girl you lost inside
       A sweet, faint, strange little memory
She comes in a flowery dress, like mine
And dances to the music of chrysanthemum fields
       She dances until the end of time
       Will she be found? In the home of her mother's love.
                Alone like your mother's home

Jaded, but I have to Laugh

he met me halfway with stutters and a nervous glance

i’m tempted to stutter in mimicry

i’ve been burned before

i’ve never shared this with anyone, he says

taking a chance, he claims he’s taking a chance. 

If you knew who I am

Speech is overrated

all I do is talk and listen

and verbally respond and proverbially refrain

Be responded to but not remember what

In tongue, in cheek, in words, in what

But nothing ever gets done

In the frame of my season

If I could just be silent and be still

instead.

Perhaps I could move through a sculpture

or sing through a dance

listen with a gentle nudge

speak with a glance
I'd paint between the lines
Articulate the silence of the stars
Compose the hues of ocean depths
With a simple rhythmic move

And stain my freedom with blood and sweat

like my forefathers and mothers did

to provide a house for my lineage

A triage of heritage merits and debt

It's nothing I could repair with my own fret

Or the words that I so mindlessly spit

My movements have grown dull
I'm disenchanted by my own

Impoverished soul

Has my music lost its voice?

Has my motion lost its force?

But I will redeem the time that's lost

I will remain obscure to regain the works of my hands

That speak of a greater Word

Than what I have ever uttered forth.

Slurring

To exploit the basic needs
of human connection
this world does
Wreck emotion to
fit its evil deeds
Fucked

that



I'm







stuck
in.
for a short while I won't forget the pain
Full stareless memories that
I didn't know You yet
during then are
sorry
hurting

searching
to finding You is all possible
glee find laughter
learning

who would steal my
heart
for a simple stare from me

this worthy man who
Fulfilled this basic need


of Love

while
the whole world is saying

Don't




hurt me

they wander the land with an alarm

The sounds of death are valiant in the land
alight with delirious distance.
a fountain of youth is beyond the reach
of the lies of resistance, stand. just stand
I freaked out when I realize who you are

when no one is watching

watching. Stand with me now
You watchmen on the wall, sound the

ALARM!!!! Alarm our
people of the rebellious lands who they are
what they believe
that crushes the freedom of lesser beings
under their denial of who they are meant to be.

Do you KNOW who you're meant to be?
(it sometimes registers, slowly)
You're free. You're free. You're meant to be free.