Jaded, but I have to Laugh

he met me halfway with stutters and a nervous glance

i’m tempted to stutter in mimicry

i’ve been burned before

i’ve never shared this with anyone, he says

taking a chance, he claims he’s taking a chance. 

If you knew who I am

Speech is overrated

all I do is talk and listen

and verbally respond and proverbially refrain

Be responded to but not remember what

In tongue, in cheek, in words, in what

But nothing ever gets done

In the frame of my season

If I could just be silent and be still

instead.

Perhaps I could move through a sculpture

or sing through a dance

listen with a gentle nudge

speak with a glance
I'd paint between the lines
Articulate the silence of the stars
Compose the hues of ocean depths
With a simple rhythmic move

And stain my freedom with blood and sweat

like my forefathers and mothers did

to provide a house for my lineage

A triage of heritage merits and debt

It's nothing I could repair with my own fret

Or the words that I so mindlessly spit

My movements have grown dull
I'm disenchanted by my own

Impoverished soul

Has my music lost its voice?

Has my motion lost its force?

But I will redeem the time that's lost

I will remain obscure to regain the works of my hands

That speak of a greater Word

Than what I have ever uttered forth.

Slurring

To exploit the basic needs
of human connection
this world does
Wreck emotion to
fit its evil deeds
Fucked

that



I'm







stuck
in.
for a short while I won't forget the pain
Full stareless memories that
I didn't know You yet
during then are
sorry
hurting

searching
to finding You is all possible
glee find laughter
learning

who would steal my
heart
for a simple stare from me

this worthy man who
Fulfilled this basic need


of Love

while
the whole world is saying

Don't




hurt me

they wander the land with an alarm

The sounds of death are valiant in the land
alight with delirious distance.
a fountain of youth is beyond the reach
of the lies of resistance, stand. just stand
I freaked out when I realize who you are

when no one is watching

watching. Stand with me now
You watchmen on the wall, sound the

ALARM!!!! Alarm our
people of the rebellious lands who they are
what they believe
that crushes the freedom of lesser beings
under their denial of who they are meant to be.

Do you KNOW who you're meant to be?
(it sometimes registers, slowly)
You're free. You're free. You're meant to be free.

Nine Band Names To Forget

I Am Spiraling Out
Of Love

With You

Like The Last Of
The Seedy Wishes

Blown Off

A Dandelion
You Plucked And I Feel
So Free Now

spilled

i spilled into my left brain      it splashed

            colorfully

and the pigments spread 

  out into   the    meadows          of                          my                                       mind

a dare

pioneers of mountains strap their swaddled minds
into a spacious grainy stare
and move past the beasts of the air

in full swing

I'm adjusting to the light again
emerged from a dusty lair in those ugly chains
that protrude from the mouth of the pit
like some kind of grotesque offering

"speak forth unto the land"
They steadily declare, in sweet surrender
you will have strength to dare

in trust and tender,
you will be strong to dare

oh but how sweet is it, this song that they sing

Fear

The fine line between Faith and Insanity

Fear and Irrationality

In taking that step towards the calling which is 

One's true identity

In which Circumstances

My defensive stances

Unlucky chances,

They all scream captivity at me

To get Me to Fear

Their own God forsaken Fear of Me.

The fall

Love, indeed, all, is to all

Sounding sweet, but in reality

Another twisted call

To want a man more beautiful than a lie

That I would live and die for

That I would try and fight for

Is death not an unreality

When the lie has been exposed

It's just all because of the fall

33:33

30 “But as for you, son of man, your fellow citizens who talk about you by the walls and in the doorways of the houses, speak to one another, each to his brother, saying, ‘Come now and hear what the message is which comes forth from the Lord.’ 

31 They come to you as people come, and sit before you as My people and hear your words, but they do not do them, for they do the lustful desires expressed by their mouth, and their heart goes after their gain.  

32 Behold, you are to them like a sensual song by one who has a beautiful voice and plays well on an instrument; for they hear your words but they do not practice them.  

33 So when it comes to pass—as surely it will—then they will know that a prophet has been in their midst.”

Ezekiel 33:30-33

liar

The way to a traumatized girl's heart
Is not through her prefrontal cortex.
Just like the way into marriage
Is not through the act of sex

That having said, the mind is complex,
The heart is much simpler.
If your heart was remotely mine,
You'd not even a whimper.

I pray not to end the friendship will end

Never again will the fair weather friend return to the fair with another fairer sex friend whether time will tell or the tie will be severed, you're better off instead as a friendship to mend, than rather defend, the fair weather trend, that the friendship would end that I pray will not end.

She was a beauty

I'm ok being in this cabin fevered spell
You can all just go to hell for all I care
While I spit out this fantasy affair
She was beautiful, I tell you!

She was beauty
I declare...

She was a fair beauty, and it was
too delicate to tell

Like the gentleness you craved
And created
When you did not even know you had it

It's all a myth, for fairies and nuns
And all other imaginative puns
And secrets of society
And stories of suns

To steal you from your reality
To steal your sanity
Like she did mine and had barely even begun...
Oh but it would have been so fun

Scoffers

One day the suckers will dream and the drifters will fly

Just you see, you imminent

Frenzy of foes

You sons of bitches and hoes

Your scoffing will die

Sands

Can you love someone you don't know?

Can you know someone you don't love...

It's a mystery for the steady seeker,

A conundrum that's unspoken of

Rough around the edges say

the ones who've chipped all their teeth away

But polished by the ocean tides

Like the million little sands of time

Are what I’d like to become anyway.

The Chase

You love for a chase

You seek for a thrill

For the one you desire

Won't give in to you still

For the one you despise

Is within your own will

No man will aspire 

Towards what they are not

So maybe there's Nothing

or No one to be caught

Anymore.

One with God

I’m stranger than I ever believed myself to be

Who am I and this raging beast inside of me?

I will trudge on through nights of the starry kind

On a trail that’s hidden from my leery mind

And build Us a lighthouse when the time is right

To guide my fellow sojourners into the light

The fight will subside when I’m in Your arms

Together we’ll be, and forever I’m Yours

The Real Deal

the real deal came up to me and I saw her soul
it shone through the darkness with no effort at all
to free the captives, she had been led through her own
captivity wandered through all the years alone
til stumbled through desert brought her to a throne

she, who finally wanders no longer forsaken
whose trust in her God can no longer be shaken
her eyes could speak louder than a story written or told
they glisten with fire like silver and gold
they behold and behold the beauty of the Lord

Teleporting from one reality to another

I feel like I'm peeling back layers of poorly designed mindscapes that maps out across my inner being, uprooting archaic infrastructure and replacing it with new. I found myself in a cave at moments when the labor was too intense. A cave with writing on the inner walls like instructions left by a negligent mother who abandoned her child with "soup on the stove", it was comforting to retreat to. I was pretending to be sane, although I believe more people are struggling with mental illness than is perceived by the majority.

I used to find patterns everywhere growing up, secret codes in the numbers and symbols in my environment but unable to decipher the heart behind the system. Every rule took a great labor to enforce within myself, meeting a stubborn resistance to realize its purpose, as though my soul was already being ruled by another governmental system and had no room for another. These rules felt like individual assaults on my very being. I couldn't fathom for the longest time that they were components to a necessary larger infrastructure that needed to be laid out within me to allow myself to function according to the greater fabric of nature and society.

There is a brokenness we are all familiar with, should we choose to fully let ourselves experience it. Could I just fall? I had never trusted the laws of aerodynamics long enough to realize they defied the laws of gravity, and now I am faced with the edge of the world...

The Purest

This kind I seek
The slow-to-speak
Whose riches cannot be seen

I hope to meet
Him in discreet
The purest among the keen