a Fair Trade

sometimes, I feel cheated.

that the only

thing I got out of

years

of agony

and hidden

pain

is compassion but then I

remember

that compassion is what fills

Your heart

and that

means

that I am

filled

with Your heart

Known

The best way to know everything

Is to realize that you know nothing

But that the One who knows all

Knows you

afar

I want to be completely honest

I let go of you the moment I saw you

Because I thought memories may wound me again

Like they sometimes do

Though dreams could never revive my hopes

The way God does

I fear

I do dream about you

Traces

Traces of a life

I've yet to exist

Visit me like a vapor

I strain my neck

To capture its thoughts

And discreetly

They fade away

His Voice

I'm brave beneath the mire, You say
Your trust in me produces fire.
I crave Your mysterious touch
Loving me so much, so much
A rush that quenches my deepest desire

My response has never been so right
To the beauty of the face of love

You have found me beautiful in Your sight

And all is well with my soul.

My God

Life is not love without You

The way it's supposed to be

I adore you with all my heart

My beautiful, amazing, brilliant

Maker of the universe

Minority complex

You are just as confused as I am

Don't pretend you know yourself,

You multi-ethnic mutt

We came to the States as beggars

You and I,

So what, you have an American mom.

Aren't we acting for the same crowd?

Feel pressure to perform, do you?

Go ahead, release it

Feel the artificial warmth

of applause and public recognition

To appease your aching minority complex.

We've all got one

Trust in the Lord, you say

What do you have to bring?

A monologue, I'm sure.

Another round of holy applause for this clown, please

"Find your own voice" he tells me.

A helpful young cheek, this one

I find many to be just as helpful.

To the hidden people, whose histories have

Been exploded out of their compacted intestines

Brains ripped out and compartmentalized

Into this damn society's grid.

There is no use for you in this world as you are now

Don't let the accolade fool you.

And yes, I'm passive aggressive.

Deal with it.

God is Jealous

Would a heart that is frozen

Bitterly flowing

Endless reminders of pain



Dare to believe once again

And be revived by

Your name that is Jealousy

I let her go, but she is still with me

Who you are truly

Is

An honest woman of great beauty,

A wife of noble character,

A source of endless maternity.

You are filled with love

Warmth

Mercy

Kindness, justice, an advocate and a faithful

Pillar.

But you lost your way somehow,

Forgot the beginning of life

Forsook the hope in my eyes

Forfeited the rights to my heart.

I forgive you,

To the Father

Who deals with all in His grace and love

I’m sorry you had missed out

On the truth of who you really are

And the rest of us through you

I will remember all the few moments

We had when

You touched my heart, and we bled together.

Deep inside, I know you are still alive

I know you are with me.

I believe we will be who we are

One day.

Invalid

This is the past I say, dare I say

All in the past no more today I feel

no more

You said, don't feel the past

You said, don't feel

The way you feel anymore

Did you hear my voice I ask?

Did you hear your own?

It's never been this open, I tell you

The truth I am

The truth, I am

the truth

You see

Reluctantly

I was so

Lost in what you forgot to see in me

while I was yours to keep, to reflect your self esteem

That you forgot to cry and recall your past, indeed

That you forgot to believe in me

You forgot to believe

in you in me

While you forgot to feel, you killed my love

My dear you killed my love

You fought the will to bleed

While you forgot what's real, you killed my love, my dear

You killed my love

for you for me

What does He see in me

What design did You build in me?
This longing, misdirected,
Silences all devastating pleas.

What fever did You ignite in me
That I would sequester
My own body parts, a gruesome ordeal?
I'd rather bleed and stagger
Than to stumble out of Your presence.

What pleasure do You find in me
That You would remain faithful
To this faithless heart, my Love?

The first to die will live to last

Death I do, this is my deed
Indeed this death, to life I bleed
I bled to life, when blood I took
And take His life for mine to lead

A hope to end all hopes on earth
A life more final than its own birth
is what I've found, the day I died
I denied myself to find my worth

No more pain, hunger or thirst
No longer orphans, no longer cursed
For the first shall fall behind to last
And the last shall be found as first

Love of a child

This one is new, I picked it up from the curb

And waved it to my mother who was waiting by the car door

frowning, dear child what is this dirty thing?

A torn sock, gutted and loosely strung with threads all around

reminded me of a picture book I once read about a raggedy doll

who came to life upon meeting the love of a child.

Perhaps, I thought

if only I could love it, it would come alive!

Love it tried I, my mother disapproved and hurried,

Grumbling under her breath about the junk I brought home.

Why do you like this garbage? Why don't you like new dolls,

like all the other normal children?

I could never stop beaming, the imaginary doll

was already coming to life, buttons and yarn and the whole nine yards.

Loving her! He is such a delight, he's actually beautiful

But mother has plans, and her heart has forgotten what it means

to bring dolls to life. dirty, she mutters

Please don't throw him away

I pleaded

Don't

(because I love him)

I'll throw it away, I promise

But I kept him alive in my drawers

Dancing, and singing, and telling me stories until bedtime

He makes me laugh (I thought to my mother)

but she will never remember the feeling.

He is able to make us stand

Things are beginning to align.
People have said my whole life, "She is a lost cause".
Everytime I hear it, I feel a deep resonance in my soul, something placed in me since birth.
A curse passed down from my origin, speaking of abandonment and futility in love.
Are these people calling out the truth which fits in the cavity of my soul? Or its emptiness?

Be careful what you speak forth.

I am tempted to surrender to this voice, the despair of hopelessness.
"Abandon her for she is abandoned"
(I wonder if this is what you are experiencing, my friend of signs and wonders)
"Abandon her for she will abandon you"

Time has nothing on the Lord.
One day I could be here, the next day I am a thousand years ahead of everyone else.

"But do not let this one fact escape your notice, beloved, that with the Lord one day is like a thousand years, and a thousand years like one day."
2 Peter 3:8

Every man

Every man is a new man,
Not one is ever the same again.
No man is himself, but a shadow
Of the man he really is.

Every man is a new man,
That I meet albeit in the same places and the same context
And the same times as before
They all go about, in boyish curiosity
In secret quests and charging pursuits
In sulking defeats and fiery tempers
Satisfied, yet discontent with ambition.

Every man is a new man,
His condition does not define him.
His reason exceeds and tries him.
But faithful he remains to the truths in his heart,
To beat of his own heart.

the Truth is too good

Can't I just stay here with you forever?
You are so good to me. You are so good.
You're everything I need.

How could I have forgotten, slipped for a moment
And decided to take control
Of my own needs, to find a solution for myself?

You take me back
You are my caretaker
You are my lover
You are my all

Psalms 4:4

In your anger do not sin;
when you are on your beds,
search your hearts and be silent.
Selah

My heart is broken and leaking out all over the place.
I'm angry... so angry.
There, I said it.

I guess I WAS hiding.

Mom

I rested this morning before your love became true
A touch on my forehead was the beginning
of Understanding
Everything I had lost since my childhood
You were timid and beautiful,
Yet your softness was foreign.

I felt like you were saying,
"You don't have to beg for my love any longer"
And it took many tears for me to receive it,
Because I didn't realize

That I am still your daughter

Co-dance-pendant

Believe you me,
I know me you
And meanwhile, you mean well
But well is not meant
To replace what is meant to be
Between me and you.