God is Jealous

Would a heart that is frozen

Bitterly flowing

Endless reminders of pain



Dare to believe once again

And be revived by

Your name that is Jealousy

I let her go, but she is still with me

Who you are truly

Is

An honest woman of great beauty,

A wife of noble character,

A source of endless maternity.

You are filled with love

Warmth

Mercy

Kindness, justice, an advocate and a faithful

Pillar.

But you lost your way somehow,

Forgot the beginning of life

Forsook the hope in my eyes

Forfeited the rights to my heart.

I forgive you,

To the Father

Who deals with all in His grace and love

I’m sorry you had missed out

On the truth of who you really are

And the rest of us through you

I will remember all the few moments

We had when

You touched my heart, and we bled together.

Deep inside, I know you are still alive

I know you are with me.

I believe we will be who we are

One day.

Invalid

This is the past I say, dare I say

All in the past no more today I feel

no more

You said, don't feel the past

You said, don't feel

The way you feel anymore

Did you hear my voice I ask?

Did you hear your own?

It's never been this open, I tell you

The truth I am

The truth, I am

the truth

You see

Reluctantly

I was so

Lost in what you forgot to see in me

while I was yours to keep, to reflect your self esteem

That you forgot to cry and recall your past, indeed

That you forgot to believe in me

You forgot to believe

in you in me

While you forgot to feel, you killed my love

My dear you killed my love

You fought the will to bleed

While you forgot what's real, you killed my love, my dear

You killed my love

for you for me

What does He see in me

What design did You build in me?
This longing, misdirected,
Silences all devastating pleas.

What fever did You ignite in me
That I would sequester
My own body parts, a gruesome ordeal?
I'd rather bleed and stagger
Than to stumble out of Your presence.

What pleasure do You find in me
That You would remain faithful
To this faithless heart, my Love?

The first to die will live to last

Death I do, this is my deed
Indeed this death, to life I bleed
I bled to life, when blood I took
And take His life for mine to lead

A hope to end all hopes on earth
A life more final than its own birth
is what I've found, the day I died
I denied myself to find my worth

No more pain, hunger or thirst
No longer orphans, no longer cursed
For the first shall fall behind to last
And the last shall be found as first

Love of a child

This one is new, I picked it up from the curb

And waved it to my mother who was waiting by the car door

frowning, dear child what is this dirty thing?

A torn sock, gutted and loosely strung with threads all around

reminded me of a picture book I once read about a raggedy doll

who came to life upon meeting the love of a child.

Perhaps, I thought

if only I could love it, it would come alive!

Love it tried I, my mother disapproved and hurried,

Grumbling under her breath about the junk I brought home.

Why do you like this garbage? Why don't you like new dolls,

like all the other normal children?

I could never stop beaming, the imaginary doll

was already coming to life, buttons and yarn and the whole nine yards.

Loving her! He is such a delight, he's actually beautiful

But mother has plans, and her heart has forgotten what it means

to bring dolls to life. dirty, she mutters

Please don't throw him away

I pleaded

Don't

(because I love him)

I'll throw it away, I promise

But I kept him alive in my drawers

Dancing, and singing, and telling me stories until bedtime

He makes me laugh (I thought to my mother)

but she will never remember the feeling.

He is able to make us stand

Things are beginning to align.
People have said my whole life, "She is a lost cause".
Everytime I hear it, I feel a deep resonance in my soul, something placed in me since birth.
A curse passed down from my origin, speaking of abandonment and futility in love.
Are these people calling out the truth which fits in the cavity of my soul? Or its emptiness?

Be careful what you speak forth.

I am tempted to surrender to this voice, the despair of hopelessness.
"Abandon her for she is abandoned"
(I wonder if this is what you are experiencing, my friend of signs and wonders)
"Abandon her for she will abandon you"

Time has nothing on the Lord.
One day I could be here, the next day I am a thousand years ahead of everyone else.

"But do not let this one fact escape your notice, beloved, that with the Lord one day is like a thousand years, and a thousand years like one day."
2 Peter 3:8

Every man

Every man is a new man,
Not one is ever the same again.
No man is himself, but a shadow
Of the man he really is.

Every man is a new man,
That I meet albeit in the same places and the same context
And the same times as before
They all go about, in boyish curiosity
In secret quests and charging pursuits
In sulking defeats and fiery tempers
Satisfied, yet discontent with ambition.

Every man is a new man,
His condition does not define him.
His reason exceeds and tries him.
But faithful he remains to the truths in his heart,
To beat of his own heart.

the Truth is too good

Can't I just stay here with you forever?
You are so good to me. You are so good.
You're everything I need.

How could I have forgotten, slipped for a moment
And decided to take control
Of my own needs, to find a solution for myself?

You take me back
You are my caretaker
You are my lover
You are my all

Psalms 4:4

In your anger do not sin;
when you are on your beds,
search your hearts and be silent.
Selah

My heart is broken and leaking out all over the place.
I'm angry... so angry.
There, I said it.

I guess I WAS hiding.

Mom

I rested this morning before your love became true
A touch on my forehead was the beginning
of Understanding
Everything I had lost since my childhood
You were timid and beautiful,
Yet your softness was foreign.

I felt like you were saying,
"You don't have to beg for my love any longer"
And it took many tears for me to receive it,
Because I didn't realize

That I am still your daughter

Co-dance-pendant

Believe you me,
I know me you
And meanwhile, you mean well
But well is not meant
To replace what is meant to be
Between me and you.

Ursprache

I can't sleep because everyone and everything wants me to be a part of it.
Aching for oneness, the whole entire world.
While it cries "Ursprache" in the belly of the beast.

What needs are so great they would forget how to be met?
What does it see in me that would fulfill its destiny?

A conduit for its passions,
A host for its lust
The Worldly opinion always weighs so heavily upon us
"You must! You must!"

Do I aim for greater things or stand very still
In the sovereignty of time, like the timeless sage
Without a burden of ego or will

Or does My Responsibility carry this burden
To bring forth the new season
with its own manual brute forceful reason?

Perhaps one day the everythings and everyones that ever need me
will trust me to become the me that it never knew would be what it needs.

regenerating

losing effort to keep distance selfish ideologies 

died in heart transition flight posing to wrench 

a precious gem from a desert landscape deep deep
died again and again through each
layer flesh and bones and organs shutting down
cycle growth is sunset sunrise vital rhythm
growth, up up
spinning and shedding infiltrating stratosphere
resonating interdimensional space
between neuropathways and heart beats dance thunder
Stars between feet kind of motion in the ocean
Traversing between mind and matter and all that chatter
babbling Laugh ha ha grow ha
Explode you twinkling eye and wrinkle in time, loved that book
sense is none you happy child awakened wide

sometimes the worst pain is right at that threshold of knowing what is the truth and the best and is love and realizing everything you've ever done to substitute it

and the best feeling is the release
of everything you've used to substitute it
to let in the real thing

Father hope

when I sit here and think about
whether you will ever know
how I felt about you, I would feel a death
Those tired fears exhale gently,
And I'm released.
Strength is the surrender of my soul
to the Lord
to my Lord

the screaming tears are never wet
but they are sweeter than blood
when your wound in me is reopened

I would sacrifice my heart
like you wanted, needed
to make you feel like a man
(you wonder why I would let others)
when your wife could not fulfill that
you could take from three more
three more mothers you would have ravished
to make you whole

Thank God
I am the only one I let you ruin
I say to myself

But it's not enough for my heart to heal
to escape the way I feel
to forget
the heart I had for you before
the yearning and trusting and beautifying
effect your love would have had on me

Would have on me

Has

A tiny, timid, new.....
But I'm afraid to say it

There is no absolute Truth

Because Truth is a Person you have absolute faith in

Life is

A process of translating reality into truth.
Death is the consequence of preferring to settle for a more convenient reality.

Practical advice

Love and nourish the weakest parts of yourself - they are what connects you to the source of Life and communicates the deepest need of humanity. They are the most fought over and highly prized among the heavenly hosts.