Cesarean moonchild

As far as i could remember, the purpose of my existence was to win a prize. The nature of this prize is still a mystery to me, although my parents have always had a clear view of it, it involves success and conformity. I was to succeed, and succeed successfully, within the confines of our cultural values down to the color of my hair, my tolerance to hot food, my posture. Before I was even alive my life was mapped out in painstaking precision, and it crushed my will while I lay stoic in the womb.

Apparently I developed a suicidal tendency before I was born because the doctors had to cut my out of my mother's gut and untangle me from my umbilical noose. My parents would lay in bed at night and quietly rage at the misfortune of their marriage, murmuring hollow agreements about my future. I felt my mother's desires like a hot iron against my back, whispering hungry secrets into my fetal brain,

"You will be such a wonderful daughter, I will raise you like a flower, soft and yielding. You are my beautiful obedient, braided child. Perhaps you will go to medical school, but if that is too difficult I am willing to compromise because I love you so. So and so and everyone will know you are mine, and you won't be like those others that flock with the gossipers and toss their hair at the boys. No, you'll be my porcelain daughter and I will raise you as such. Maybe you can take over my dream to be an artist, and everyone will marvel at your ingenuity. They will see."

Even as I floated innocuously about her maternal cavern, I was confused at her dialogue. I felt that she wasn't talking to me, but rather at one of the unfertilized eggs in her ovaries. Whatever it was that summoned such fervent motherly love, I wanted it badly and convinced myself that I would go through great lengths to earn it. My prospective life spanned out in front of me like a distant pool of water, waiting to be perfectly pierced with a perfect dive 400 meters up. Mother, I don't want to jump. Please mother let me stay on this platform, the music is lovely and from what I can fathom these emotions are truly exquisite. But I'm afriad of the fear you so innocently deny. What if i lose my balance in the air or my head explodes from the impact of water or pressure underneath? I heard that you can lose an eardrum if you hit the water at the wrong angle, and then I really will go about my entire life losing balance. Balance is important, you know, because it helps coordination and mobilitiy, it's a talent, really. And with it comes grace and sanity. And stability like electrons and photons in the elements that my body is formed with. I was there for a split microsecond, like a blue flicker and then I became a billion atoms, multiplying like my soul was in a hurry to manifest into this motal realm, and through the whole process I remember feeling such overwhelming purpose in every animated atom...and balance. The molecules were in deliberate accord every chemical interaction. You wanna know something funny mom? I thought I was going to turn into fire, like the consuming, breathing Father, and it wasn't until my head formed that I grasped this dimension in my being. I am water, like the Spirit! I am a human, female, sojourner, a creature of space, time, will, faith in a perishable container.

So you see,
I have this one chance
and it's my life,
so couldn't you let me stay
here for a little while longer?

Happy 5th

Absolute means terror inviting discreetly but certainly frightening
nonetheless though power cannot exceed that whose value in writing
With ink stains on flattened tree threads though indirectly blighting
the very ground we once stood so harmoniously united

this ground upon which we built these epochal titans and towers
from trillions of units which served its massive corporate powers
Invincible, with freedom and justice for All who compromises ours
for theirs, in a blind anarchic allegiance to the wages for hours

and hours upon hours they plotted revenge for pain couldn't deny
as their loyalty and our Goddess crashed waves rocks ships gone awry
as their dignity we robbed through a game of demand and supply
The Game winking malice to her subjects' torturous cries

Cries like the black crows filled the blood-sweet sky...

one man's fantasy is another man's reality

Somehow, in the middle of the fairy tale
When the noble knights were riding up to
a dame singing with a nightingale
The dragon split open and shattered waterfalls
The castle guards catapaulted over
the molding castle walls
The moat dried up along with its fishes
in the bed
Our stealthy narrator got an aneurysm and
fell down dead
Then when all the green midgets and
chipmunks and hairy-ass gnomes
clocked out and headed back to
their low-income homes
The silver-striped gold-feather-winged
magical unicorn
Got shot by a hunter lit up on coke and PCP,
who eventually stumbled back to his computer
filled with internet pixie porn.
Despite investigative efforts by Dateline NBC,
which still makes him deucedly nervous,
He continued until he got caught and issued
A century of community service

(another to be continued...)

&ersand

punctuated by comma
my plural sighs
effulge this comma this
crystalline concept
colon the salt of destiny,
whose
my stagnant skies
attempt to condense (parenthesis)
but quote
I am but a wandering mind
end quote

hoping is breathing end
keep comma
on comma
hoping period.

Collateral damage

is pretty crappy.
Trigger happy,
What a trippy thought
I'm a hippie, caught
Up in the moment
Swimming against the current
without much thought
without her pot.

They

Drugs were my comfort
because she salted my wounds
Strange men were my counsel
because he squandered my dignity and worth.

Slandered, threatened, demonized
Yet neither feel the need to listen or sympathize.
Except to criticize
Something that is a by-product of their ignorance.

My voice ripped out of my throat, and my right to exist as myself.
Locked into a prison of ideologies and condemnation
Planting fear and shame into my daily walk
An enemy, beasts and demons created within me,
Nurtured by Their self-denial
Self-righteous
Self-hatred was my home, Suicide my prayer

In this ideo-fuckin-logical lair
To my left, Punishment
To my right, Failure
Above me was Damnation
Below me all Hell

broke loose to set the shit free that hit the fan-
fare that cost me a life worth living for-
feit
everything

They pretend that this struggle is a figment of my imagination
A sitcom goof, a casual stumble
Slip of the mouth, by mere folly
Slip of the mental process
to process and filter
what they wanted me to hear

But

Negligent manslaughter is a crime too
In the process of Their effort to hide their own weaknesses
Exploiting me for mine

Filia

Sisterly, orderly
Inferiorities hover
over and over
through former endeavors
From only to never
It's clever, you're clever.

Fatherly, motherly
wondering somberly,
Hoping and wander
from moment to moment
Such wonder, such awfully
Sorrowful hunger.

for

A scuba Diver on the ocean floor

I was replaying my faceless past like a
recurring nightmare in fast
Forward the pauses catch a fish that swells with
the oceanful expression of agony on my face.

these persisent
Sisters are sirens with silver scars
And mercury tears.
to sing to
No moon, sweet music
My brown yarn baby doll, lips
Lips
Over my soft eyelids, folding

There are still life Van Goghs in my
memory aquarium
like koi fishes swimming in a carafe
in a knot

But yet I have not my submarine home
twisting faces on a piano scale
And a wooden skeleton of family portraits
Rattle nervously on a bruised wall

Sketch, tetch, wretched
sketching skeletons in my head.
Emaciated, faces
tracing laces through the threads.

When Granola met Yogurt

When Granola met Yogurt, she tossed her strawberry hair
Fireworks lit the dawn sky and passion filled the air
Granola suddenly turned sheepish, his insides felt queasy
His awkward oatmeal clumps made Yogurt quite uneasy

They spent all morning together and hung out again at noon
They even stole some time after the arrival of the moon
Together were these two, through sunny or rainy days, or foggy
Yogurt found Granola charming even when he turned soggy

Granola fell in love with Yogurt's silky, voluptuous flavor
Unlike the others who were sugary but not quite something to savor
He'd never before met a dairy as cultured or naturally sweet
Lying in the glass, Yogurt snuggled against his chiseled wheat

She whispered in his ear, "Will you love me until the day I run out?"
He serenaded, "To you, my dulcet treat, I will stay forever devout
My love for you is like Cereal for his Milk, Lentil Soup for his Spoon."
She replied, "Good, my expiration date isn't until the fifth of June."

The time came for Yogurt's leave; she finally expired
To the place all Yogurts go, leaving Granola stale and tired
And Granola stood alone on the dusty shelf long after Yogurt died
Waiting for the day he could once again be by her side.

The Epic Saga of the downfall of Body

Tone it down, Eyes tells Brain,
The glare is my despair.
Are you satisfied? Heart inquires Brain.
Brain sniffs as if without a care.

I don't mean to intrude, Ear remarks
But my drums are beginning to decay...
Do you think you can send Arm and Hand
To deliver some house or reggae?

But all Brain delivers is a scowl to Mouth,
Rigidly engaged in his duties
And the impish private parts below
Send him images of fleshly nudies

We want food! chants Tongue and Stomach,
fiddling in their slippery places.
We want love, whispers Heart timidly,
painting her hopeless faces.

Brain sits tightly in his brittle skull
Ignoring his deprived subordinate members,
Slowly their voices dwindle away
Soon their pleas Brain hardly remembers

Now that all you organs, scoffs Brain
Have finally begun to cease,
I can employ Will and Mind
In this rare moment of bodily peace

He then proceeds to withdraw ideas
From his account with Memory Bank
Brain gets busy with his work, oblivious
To his dimishing think tank

Then neuron synapses begins to misfire
Inside his medulla oblongata
As the blood thinly flows to his cerebrum
He begins to lose acumen and dogmata

Suddenly Eyes collapse from the strain.
Stomach gathers all of Digestive System
To protest against Brain with violent riots,
Proclaiming never again to assist him

Lungs takes a blow from this Organ Failure
Causing panic in Brain to throb
Are you there Heart, can you feel this?
He moans out softly with a sob.

[to be continued...]

Nig h/tma (in r.ea tri p

Protruding purple eyeballs of fecal
Masks jeering
Mocking fear.killme i scream,
drip, chin, fold, tuck

Chanting my ancestral name.drip
to beckon the death of light into me and
fill my consciousness with.drip
.killme.Suspicions.drip
All is against me.blood

To beckon.killme.the death of light into me.killme. and fill.killme.my consciousness
with sus.killme.picions
Echoechoechoecho Alllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll.killkillkilldie.
is against me.drip

Flashbacks to bad mushtrips.killme. of
Eons of history stuck(red,drip)
in an endless.killeatmyheart. loop
of 5 (lickdrip)
minutes 42042042Zero hours
is the frame of the loop.isitoveryet?drip
Loop
(overyet?)?

Ah, it's you again.

Palm lines trace footsteps in my
desert Hands that are wrinkles of
Yesteryear's anxiety grips my Slumber

Mute without Breathing normally
formally known as Comfort...
Baked goods, aka Mother
(faker) aka Mirror

Smiles back through the
window pain when i frown
lines travel down the corners of my
mouth opens to draw words from the
Well, I guess we all feel the same

Extinct

Floated iridescent water bubbles
That scent the room with euphonic
Heartbeats
Dripping upon the glare of Forgotten
I've forgotten

The seven plagues of woe
That veiled the frivolous sun
Until meltdown in the Nuclear sky
Pierced through the dragon's Eye

A magnificent swoop into the ebbing
Horizon,
That maroon slice
Percolating through the ragged cleft
of Canyon cliffs to the deserted valley

Where the droplets digress
Contort and effervesce
in a miasma of
Ecliptic repose

And meanwhile I will figure skate
on the frozen ocean Cusp
And taste its ruby wine mirage
In a crystal serenity From dawn
Until Dusk

Decree Nisi

plenty the time abides in youth and flight
her obsolescent entity reveals its human blight
in a composition he will never comprehend,
With every another

try as he might, this libertine trend
disguised as a knight, designed to offend
with never such matters so strikingly trite,
She comes to discover.

and boorish these steps, and foolish this spite
the masquerade they dance in the lucid moonlight, she
laments. to no bitter end, for the loss of a best friend,
Her former lover.

Through the artist's eyes

Walking on the pavement would
arouse my soul
breathe me, open me
to the universal edge of vitality

The asphalt oppressor, as one could
believe it to be
concrete, defeat
of the living foliage underneath

Is unfortunate

As sitting inside a room does
not confine one
but meditate, illuminate
the inner ambience to imagine and create

For wingful freedom in thought
and belief
allow us to surely avow
The beauty that lies in serenity profound

If we could just finally perceive
that those which
oppress, may as well bless
As cement and walls are our canvasses

Our very license
to bleed and express

A few quick nothings

May the journey be seasoned with a breeze
First to the isles, finally to the stars
Is what I wait for, hope for
The climactic sun on its steadfast rise
Fateful as the
Day I was born.

--------------------------------------------------------------

Ships that sail in a noble manner
trusted with a frame of oak.
Fresh in spirit, and the scent of the air
Seaful mist and salt in our hair
This is the boat we build with our friends
This is the epic voyage we share

i know how the swimmer feels far from shore

recall, you

did? is fire and blue licking
tongue scorching my throat

Pale eye rain and glossy crows
that i dreamed you
i sang you
i need

your Waiting never explains, the cumbersome
Tick
Talk to me.i'mlisteningwatching


singingbreathingrunning

through the crowded
masks paint prism ripples
and yours is a face,
in a bottle
under water

in
sip
idiot, you formless mass
i fell for you
again.again.again.again.again.again.

Refrigerator poetry (at a party)

I see the insignificant disorder you have
You're about to humiliate yourself for the first time
depriving your thoughts in public
never rises to pronounce your ideas
but marinate your IQ in a personality
imagine these spinning freaks try to save the gene pool
again
I'll bet a few fries you're
happy with chaos.
usually

[29.6.05]

On a side note, I found myself wondering:
Music in a box, in a sphere.
Why are the ones who voice the problems of the world exalted above the ones who take it upon themselves to solve them?

Reminder

I love myself because God made me to play a part in the glory of Him.
I love others because of their roles in the same.
Otherwise, a wretched petri dish of woes am i.

Human carcinogens

You walk on the surface,
trusting it not to
to open up and swallow you
into its cauldron gut

You nurse on the silicone
sweetened breast of Babylon
Singing melodies of he.donistic merries
this empire
While her tendons are wasting away
protruding ribs
that rise and fall to the fragile
rhythm of existence.

You are busy, scuffling steady
shoe grease in time
With the genetic manipulation of nature
In time when there will be bionic hearts and holographic birds
that twitter at night to make you comfortable
In this pixelated, industrialised, mechanized, battery-operated
Reality you've created for yourself

You try, but just can't digest this
biodegradable plaque that's solidified into
a residual green precipice
Eating away at you liver to feed its mammon appetite
And permeates into the circulation of
red life fluid
Flowing to the uncontaminated
regions of flesh
growing and
Now you know what it feels like,
to be consumed.